Trust

Back in early October we were playing at the park. We walked into the woods behind the park and we came across some perfect pine cones. I shoved 2 into one pocket and 3 into the other pocket. When we got home, I set out glue and glitter for the kids to decorate "snow" on the cones. After they were dry, I strung them onto a long piece of yarn and we hung the glittery garland in the window.

If felt a little confusing having pine cones hanging well before Halloween.

In my heart, I knew this little afternoon activity was much more significant than a winter garland. It was an homage and an offering to the "Gods of Winter," if you will. A glittering plea to Jack Frost to go easy on this Mama who has two kids cooped up inside the house. Imagine being snowed in (this is a dramatization) with kids bouncing off the walls, screaming, the house is trashed, then cleaned, then trashed again in 5 minutes, and there's no escape. Diapers are messed, food needs to be made, dishes washed, laundry forever, crying, and again, no escape for Mama. In a nutshell, I was not looking forward to the upcoming season. When we found the pine cones I thought for sure I could appease the Gods.

Well last week was a reminder to take one day at a time. On Wednesday, after the morning clouds lifted, the glorious sun came out. We were able to take a walk to the park - a walk we LOVE to take during the summer months. And during this November day, the walk was just as beautiful. The weather was warm, the sun was shining, trees were turning all different colors, and I actually let the kids take off shoes to dip their little toes in the lake. I was delighted to feel a wave of peace come over me and I reflected on trust. I want to trust that these days will be okay. I want to trust that the chores will get done, the kids will be fed, the kids will be okay, and I will be okay. I don't want to fear my days or anticipate chaos, even in the depths of winter.

So I made a vow to try to live each upcoming winter day in appreciation of the season. The winter season is one of honoring light, giving, rest and renewal. There will be plenty of winter activities to keep little ones busy, I trust that.

What I fear is the ability of my Mothering. Can I keep my cool? Can I respond gently and patiently? Will I have the energy to respond to my kids after a long day? Will I screw my kids up? The answer is, I don't know. But what I do know is that I can believe in my ability to be a good Mama. I can believe and trust and simply take one day at a time.